we have officially lost it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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