He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
