How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
