It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
