Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
