I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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