Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
