It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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