Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
