I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
