U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I will die if light touches me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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