mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
