This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
