"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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