the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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