Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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