Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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