I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
