you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
