you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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