I will die if light touches me.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
