They should really pass out barf bags in church
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
