this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
