I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
