Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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