i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
