There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
