I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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