Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
