like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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