I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
