im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
