Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
