i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
