i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
