Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
