I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
