I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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