I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
