just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
