THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
