How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
