I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
