Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
