she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
