well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
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