Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
