If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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