I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
