she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I want her autograph on my taint
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
