I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
