This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
