I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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