did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
